Epiphora’s Best And Worst Sex Toys Of 2011

The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out myToybox, consult mylist of tags, or jump tothe worst stuff I’ve triedormy favorites.

Let me teach you things! Such as how tobecome a savvy sex toy shopperandavoid sex toys that will poison you.

Ramblings, usuallyabout sex toys, sometimes aboutmy gaping vagina, sometimes aboutsex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories includeDisingenuous AssholesandTrue Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2011

[Check out myannual best/worst tagfor older and newer lists!]

It’s almost 2012, so you (maybe) know what that means — it’s time for me to list my top and bottom toys of 2011! Remember, likelast year, this list includes toys that I acquired/reviewed in 2011, not necessarily toys that were released this year. Anyway, let’s get to it!

I only tried a handful of toys that took batteries this year, but theLELO Lylawins this one with its horrific remote situation. It comes with this ridiculous plastic “key” that you have to use to screw the back of the remote into place. And the back of the remote is made out of this shitty silver plastic that scuffs up easily. Here\’s Why Sexy Red Lingerie is so damn HOT!Fail.

( Corsets of the year, no matter the toy.)

I’m tempted to give this to myRough Sex 3reviewbased solely on this screenshot I took:

But you have to know that I agreed to review theiVibe Massager phone appknowingit would fail, send me into a rage, and result in one of my best reviews to date. Massager Vibrators ’m psychic like that.

Otherwise, Tingle Condoms wrote a few pretty epic sentences this year…

It looks like a damn potato.

—We-Vibe Touch review

You cannot depend on this toy to respond when you are at the brink of orgasm and want to bump into a higher setting; nor can you depend on it to turn off when you need it to, like if someone walks in on you masturbating or if your cat decides this is a great time to venture into the fireplace.

—Je Joue MiMi review

I’ve learned my lesson: if a toy looks like a 90% chance of ouch and 10% chance of blowing your mind… well, that’s sucky odds.

—Split Dildo review

Oh, and I guess it vibrates or something.

—Ophoria Bliss 8 review

(My most difficult review to write.)

I really struggled with my reviews of theJe Joue MiMiandJimmyjane Form 4. With the MiMi, I had to wait decades for a replacement after my first one freaked out and died on me, then I had to figure out why the toy sometimes felt strong and sometimes felt mediocre (…never did really figure that out). With the Form 4, I struggled with how to articulate my feelings of distaste while still admitting that this is a toy I will continue to use. Hard times.

( Spankers and Ticklers that caused pain, night sweats, disillusionment, etc.)

I remember the day I posted this photo on Twitter of my newly-arrivedSplit Dildo. Everyone thought I was batshit insane. Turns out, I was.

TheLELO Lylawins again! I just cannot handle a toy that throws a tantrum the moment I do something “wrong,” such as take a step backward or close my legs. I MEAN REALLY.

———

There you have it! My favorites and least favorites of the past year. What about you? What was the best toy you discovered in 2011? The worst?

Dildos in your inbox.

Unsubscribe whenever you wish. [Privacy policy.]

For overa decade, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet.

see more

Dildos in your inbox.

Unsubscribe whenever you wish. [Privacy policy.]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *